Hellmouth

Hellmouth This is a true story but it’s not a story.  It doesn’t have narrative form because to have narrative form there must be a beginning and an end--in other words there must be change.  And nothing ever changes here.  I am in hell.  I am in hell forever.  I am being tortured and I have no idea why.  If I had any idea why it wouldn’t be hell.  You see, people think of punishment as having reason:  “the punishment fits the crime” and so on… but in reality, punishment IS the reason.  And if I knew why I was being punished, there would be some consolation to it--consolation that is forbidden to me.  So I am punished, without reason.  The pain is the reason, and the denial of reason IS the punishment. I am here and my punishers are demons.  They are not red or horned, there are no flames.  This is more like a dimly lit warehouse, the demons grey-fleshed middle-managers with onyx eyes.  But since part of the punishmen...

  Ariel   Ariel got off the phone with the disability lawyer.  A buoyant light was falling through his chest, tugging him down. Her voice had been so kind and strong that he wanted to cry.  She was such a merciful executioner.  He decided he would fix her face in his mind, even though he’d never seen it and never would.  Her eyes would be green and vibrant, her hair black, her face firm but pitying.  She would hold back tears and stroke his hair with unseen hands the whole time, while he was walking into the white cloud.  He would become sleepier and sleepier, while every line and fine distinction disappeared, erased by atomizing fine shards of soft white light.  He would keep walking while every part of his body vanished.  Every part of her face would disappear but the great green eyes, hovering in the white gauze.  He would come closer and closer, beckoned by the strange, broken waltz that the white light in his chest sang in unfa...

 1. Time kills (Chris Burden quote ) 2. Time is money  Therefore 3. Money is death or dead time and.   4. Death Rules Everything Around Me D.R.E.A.M. get the money,  I guess this is just one iteration of the labor theory of value via a particularly gothic aspect of marx, his vampirism metaphors etc , or focus on accumulation of DEAD capital or labor time  Anyway , it was a fun syllogism for me as a late teen/neoteen and it came to mind when I recently got hoodwinked by a totally demonic techie parasite ... Which I talk about here :  https://youtu.be/mlU_33W370I And damn I lost the rest of my draft but it also makes me think about how we are doing destructive extractive things to the earth for dead Money/capital, the extraction of petrochemicals that end up staying in our blood forever.  Capitalism isn't the only system capable of producing ecological crises but it seems it may be the one most good at it

  Walker: [00:00:00] so, um, I guess I'll introduce myself. I mean, most people know me, like they've been listening to the podcast as one of the usual co-hosts, um, Lucas isn't with us today, but, um, it's kind of a secret. I don't usually, um, do my full name on the podcast. Cause sometimes it's a little edgy, but my name is Walker and I am a Hampshire student like Lucas and like, well I'm a Hampshire alum or dropout, like, uh, Lucas and Jacob, um, and Jacob who is joining me today. [00:01:06] Um, and, uh, I've gone over my story on the past episodes of the podcast, basically, most of the story, although there's a little bit of a gap as we last recorded basically in the summer. And I've had a lot of healths in path the last summer, and I've had a lot of health substance, but I've gone over most of my story, but just like, there's going to be people that will listen to this, just, um, maybe to hear Jacob's story and not know my b...