Clock ticking/Placeholder

Given how sick I am currently,  keeping up with a blog is an absurdly optimistic notion. 

I cant even keep up with really basic tasks of survival and life. 

And a diary is even too much work, let alone a public one. 

It seems like the best use of my extremely limited energy would be to conserve it, to try and unify it into a singular force of will to figure out an escape from this hell. 


But since severe ME/CFS  is basically invisible for the exact reasons I list, part of me wants to document things, and expose them to an audience that rarely sees them... such as the audience that used to read my old blog posts on literature and critical theory bs...

So maybe I'll keep this up as a form of public diary,  and a form of documenting a journey through hell.   Let's just hope that the way out is actually through and this isn't all for nothing.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Helpless

Image
"Years ago my heart was set/to live, oh/but I've been trying hard/against unbelievable odds"--Big Star, Ballad of El Goodo I shouldn’t be writing this essay. I shouldn’t be doing anything but resting. But things as they are are untenable. And sometimes I write because I literally think if I get my story out into the world, I might find a savior. These days, everything I write (and it doesn’t amount to much) is a literal cry for help. Why have you forsaken me? And by you, I guess I mean the world. I guess I mean anyone who might listen. In the summer of 2016, I was working outside for a small tree nursery business, really just a two-man operation, in central vermont. (I’m native to Northeastern Vermont, but our work took us all over the state). I was young, fit, full of anxieties, ambition, big plans. I wanted to be an artist and a musician, professionally, yes, but also just as a vocation. I wanted to do whatever it takes to “make it”. I just
Read more

Thelonious Monk, desiring-machines, and cultural production

Image
  Thelonious Monk, Desiring-Machines, and Cultural Production “Alas, I am a mere textual-production machine.”--Quote attributed to Gilles Deleuze--apparently the last words he uttered before throwing his body (and, presumably, his body without organs) out of the window of his flat in Paris. Thelonious Monk has long been considered an enigma--an outsider in the history of modern jazz--to the point of his supposed mental illness being considered as an explanation for his unique musical style and vocabulary.  More attention has been paid to his eccentricities than to the logic and cohesion that pervades his composition and improvisation. If we use the theories of the French post-structuralist Gilles Deleuze and his colleague Felix Guattari, we have a lens through which to view Monk’s cultural production and its relation to “mental illness,” capitalist production, desire, and flows.  Thelonious Monk is a great disjunction or rupture in the flow of modern jazz and the “mainstreaming” thereo
Read more

A Collection of Blackpills in no particular order: 1. the Generational Health/Wealth Gap

Image
 It's pretty well known, even by non millennials, that millennials , and probably each subsequent generation, are substantially poorer than the Boomers and Gen x.  It's not worth another essay, and I cant do anything about the phenomenon anyway, other than reiterate it.  But I want to argue that theres another insidious thing that got taken from us... our vitality, our strength, our health.   But first, think about what these charts mean in context of mold avoidance and the financial means to pursue this treatment.  Or any medical treatment for that matter.  We are talking about  a generation that on average has ten times less wealth than Baby Boomers But that may just be the start of the raw deal people born into this world recently are getting.   While generational differences --in terms of hard dividing lines between generations, different aesthetics ,  etc.--may be psyops to divide people with a common goal and prevent them from talking about class or oligarchs or the class
Read more